Childbirth is a plague. It’s an algal bloom blanketing the planet in ear shattering screams, sticky fingers and a general mucus-like ooze of annoyance. Social networking has inflamed the problem further.
Everyone has a voice these days. Every half assed retard with computer access wants an audience to inflict their baby pictures upon. The social contract states we’re all supposed to give a fuck about your annoying children, cooing and aaawwwwing at their insignificant achievements.
I hate your children. Collectively, I hate your children. En masse, they form a subculture of mediocre political correctness that forces its way into my life, regardless of how much alcohol I consume, pornography I watch or narcotics I shove into my hateful face hole.
They aren’t fucking cute. They’re just goddamned annoying. They fuck up what should be a quiet dinner. They ruin what should be an enjoyable movie. They bring chaos to what could have been a nice Friday evening. Even when they aren’t in my presence, the infuriating little assholes choke my field of vision and I have to LOOK at the fucking things.
One of the many, many things I hate about children is the bitch-ifying effect they have on adults. Show me a parent and, 9 times out of 10, I’ll show you someone who once had a personality they could claim as their own.
Remember the person you used to party with, go to concerts with, curse with and indulge in life’s deviant pleasures along side? Well, that person has been swapped out with a pudgy, boring, uptight dickhole who has the balls to think you or anyone else should give a squirt of piss about that yowling, shaved howler monkey they take to the park daily.
Your kids aren’t cute. They have sticky digits they want to place on ALL my expensive stuff. Your kids have nothing to contribute to a conversation because they’re inarticulate retards. Your kids aren’t even people yet. They’re embryos with the ability to form rudimentary words and poison the atmosphere with noise, noise NOISE!
These days, you weak willed yuppies lack the fortitude to kick them up the ass and shout “Shut the FUCK up, Timmy! Shut your fucking whore mouth right this moment or your picture is destined for a milk carton, Bitch!!”