Politics Shmolitics

My stance on politics is partisan, inflammatory and, most likely, based off gut reaction way more than research or ration.

Reading back through my childish diatribes, I realize that the words “I hate” are used with more frequency than “the” or “and.” I would like to say that will change, but a move towards positivity would be disingenuous.

As a ‘liberal fag’, living in the South is a daily recipe for an impending heart attack. I’m surrounded by bigots and retards. Sure, Atlanta is somewhat of an oasis, but human nature dictates that I focus on people I hate rather than the ones I like. So, I’m going to do that.

I FUCKING HATE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY!

Now, I don’t hate Republicans specifically. Let’s not get it twisted. Sure, I find many of them to be deluded, willfully ignorant, thinly veiled racists and nut job religious zealots who fuck their siblings and shit out gaggles of future rapists. That doesn’t mean I hate them, though.

No, I hate the PARTY of hate. Just look at these guys. Really, just look at these three pasty, white douches objectively. Imagine you know nothing of their politics. Imagine you’ve never even seen them before in your life.

Your natural reaction should be “Who the fuck are these saltine, cracker-ass-cracker mother fuckers, anyway? Are they the new, more palatable faces of the Klu Klux Klan? The one on the right looks like he dresses up in a clown costume on weekends so he can rape little boys in his ice cream truck.”

I have an immediate, visceral reaction to the Republican party. It’s sort of like the explosive gas I get the moment glutton hits my stomach. I’m allergic to the Republican party and they give me the farts.

So, I implore you – tonight cleanse your mind of any prejudice and watch FOX news with an unbiased eye. Just watch it. Pretend you’re an alien from a distant star and this is your first visit to our planet. Imagine FOX News is your introduction to human culture.

Then, after watching five minutes of that horse shit, tell me you wouldn’t want to hop back in your flying saucer, boot up the plasma laser, and eradicate this entire hiccup in evolution.

Art by Per Johansson

Advertisements